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11 July 2009 @ 12:26 am
Here we go, a introduction to me...  
 [Waves] Hi. I'm new here. ._.

My name is Amanda, obviously. I'm sweet sixteen & I live in a town where nothing happens.
I'm a lesbian gamer girl who plans on becoming a graphic designer.
I listen to D&B, techno, & rock.
My style is futuristic, colorful & sometimes professional looking.
I play the tenor saxophone and piano.
I have an average of 90% in my school so far.
I've sung since I was in Kindergarden.
I danced for six years & I just started again this year after my dance school closed.

Life has been pretty difficult.
My 18 year old brother has a mild form of autism,
& my mother is never really home.
Dad is the closest person I have in my life.

I've been anti-social ever since sixth grade when the rumors of me being gay spread out.
I lost all my good friends & the ones who wanted to become my friends completely backfired at me.
I'm emotionally unstable.
The smallest event that goes wrong could make me cry.
Yet, my mindset is above & beyond everyone else.
I'm noted as the most mature in my class.
Which is why no one really hangs out with me.
& no matter how hard I work,
everyone except the adults think it's worth shit.
I had thoughts of suicide and running away when I was around 12-13,
but never attempted them.
I don't plan on attempting suicide now because I want to stay alive,
but I sometimes crave to run away from my town & go into the city.

I have a small group of friends but the true ones are millions of miles away.
I try so hard to look at my life in a positive way,
& I help everyone who is in pain with their problems.
But I constant go blind & have no clue where to go with my own.
Being pushed away from my crushes
& being ignored when I invite someone over doesn't help out the situation.
High School is hell,
& now with a cheerleading class I was forced to go to,
my summer is going to be hell too.

The things that keep me going is this box that's tucked under my desk.
This box has a bunch of letters from my heroes & pictures of good times.
Whenever I'm sad, I read all the letters & try to look at all the accomplishments I made.
But the huge missions in my life are so far away from me right now,
that my motivation for things goes out the window.

I don't know anywhere else to go to,
because I'm terrified of upsetting my friends & family if I told them.
Current Location: Bedroom
Current Mood: sadsad
Current Music: "Propane Nightmares" Pendulum
Contra Regulationbiotheory on July 11th, 2009 10:14 pm (UTC)
Hi Amanda, welcome to ever_perceived!

I can empathise with a lot of what you've written up there; in fact, it echoes my life! I hope things turn out okay for you. Feel free to message me if you need to rant. I can echo the sentiment of suicide - I have no desire to die, but I do want to be cut off from the world for a few days, just to 'reboot'. It's why I stay away from cliffs and high places.

Keep on being awesome and do what you enjoy.

(Anonymous) on July 12th, 2009 05:25 pm (UTC)
We had to do cheerleading in PE.
The teacher seemed to be having some sort of love affair with her pom poms. The 'dance' was unspeakably embarrassingly ridiculous.
I am sure that your class will be less excruciating, yet I still feel your pain (:
If you want to talk; feel free to email
Alexdissociatedmind on August 19th, 2009 05:59 am (UTC)
If you ever want to talk about music, or share music, talk to me!
I have a collection of almost 10,000 songs, half of which are electronic music.

PS, Pendulum kicks ass, although I'm not too fond of their new album, to be honest. :)
[Ai] Amanda: Pendulumalienamanda on August 19th, 2009 03:26 pm (UTC)
Awesome! c:

I definitely agree.
I like most of their older material better. <3